1. ‘Friday pub avoidance’ run
A really sensible one to start with. Work colleagues have been jostling around all afternoon mentioning there might be a sneaky few after work.
You want to and you’re probably going to. But then, in a bizarre twist, you miraculously decline the kind offer and end up going a run.
It doesn’t matter that you’ll be hitting the booze later on anyway – because you’ve earnt it!
Note: This is a lesser-spotted run usually beaten by “popping in for one” after work, arriving home around 11pm armed with chips and an apologetic look on your face.
2. ‘Hangover be gone’ run
Usually undertaken when you failed to complete the ‘Friday pub avoidance’ run.
It all went wrong and you’re mad with yourself, but these things happen so you drag yourself out of bed, don the trainers and hit the streets like a greased cougar.
That was the plan anyway, but you find yourself running at a slight angle with one eye half closed as every last drop of moisture is sweated out of your battered body.
This type of run is also sometimes referred to as ‘parkrun’.
3. ‘I’m injured but I’m going running anyway’ run
Definitely one to avoid, but with all your buddies out marathon training and hitting intervals like crazy you feel like a school kid in detention with his nose pressed up against the window watching the others play football outside.
You’ve had a niggle that’s recurring, but your love of all things running means you go out anyway.
“Take it slow,” you tell yourself, but after a while things seems OK and you crank up the pace.
Then, out of nowhere, you’re injury flares up again. Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea, after all…
4. ‘Everyone is pissing me off at work’ run
The boss has been all over your case, and you’ve put in enough hours to have the rest of the month off.
You get home and stomp around trying to find all your running gear which seems to have been strewn around the house.
Finally you’re all tooled up, and get out to pound the streets. No one can stop you now, especially not with “90’s anthems” pumping down your eager ears.
You’re guaranteed to get a good pace on this one as you work the stress out of your body. You’ll come back calm and relaxed and ready to attack the day tomorrow. Maybe.
5. ‘Getting out of the house to avoid the housework’ run
Your partner’s pointing out every uncompleted chore in the house. You’ve had a shelf waiting to go up for months and the washing up is piled high like some slithering sea monster.
Little clumps of running clothes lurk around various corners of the house. But you shrug your shoulders and knowingly glance over to your race training plan sellotaped to the fridge.
It’s written down and if you don’t do it your entire race strategy will fall apart.
It’s all worth it though, because on race day when you heroically cross the line in 2,754th your partner will be so proud and all of this will be forgotten.
Dan Stinton has a blog about all things running: allhailthetrail.wordpress.com